It was all a blur, that night, that week, that month. Marley didn't know what to do. She felt as though she was numb. She felt as though there were no emotions in anything. Wake up, to go work, work through the motions, pick up the kids, put on a face for them, it was as though she was in auto pilot. She sat there with her mind going 100 miles per hour, but she sat there motionless. Something would break that trance she was in.
"Mommy?" A small tug on Marley's pants. She focus on little Jordan. "Mommy, what's the matter?"
"Oh nothing Mommy is just tired. Always keeping busy trying to keep up with you and little Ms. Addison. You two just go nonstop all day." Marley picked Jordan up and hugged him nice and tight. Jordan wrapped his arms around Marley and kissed her on the cheek.
"I love you." Jordan said with a smile. Marley choked back some tears as she looked at Jordan. He had his daddy's nose, piercing blue eyes, and that dishwater blonde hair.
"I love you too." Marley tucked him in for one more hug before standing up and walking to Addison to get her ready for bed.
The days seemed long, and the nights got longer. Marley could barely sleep in her bed. She would wander down to that couch she was sitting on that night and go through all the thoughts and everything that happened that night. She couldn't get that night out of her head. She wanted to badly to erase that night from her memory, but she wanted to remember every detail. So badly she prayed that one day she wake up from this nightmare, and go back to that perfect life.
"Maybe that was just what it was. Something that was too good to be true. Something that wouldn't last. It's just something that would only exist in night time stories and dreams." Marley's thoughts raced. A splash of water and Addison giggling snapped Marley back to reality. Marley picked up the rubber duckies and squirted Addison, it was Addison's favorite part of her bath.
Jordan walks into the bathroom, "hey, those are my old duckies!"
"Oh you mean this one?" Marley fills it with water and squirts Jordan. Addison laughs and splashes.
"MOM. Stop!" Jordan tries to put his hands up to block the water. Sadly it was in vain. His shirt was soaked. Jordan walks to the vanity and grabs a cup and begins to fill it up with water.
"Jordan. Don't you dare!" Marley uncomfortably laughs. "Jordan, DON'T YOU FILL UP THAT CUP." Jordan turns on the water tap. With a smirk on his face he flings cold water onto Marley. Water everywhere. Marley gasps, trying to catch her breath from the cold water. "Oh, son, you just started a match you aren't going to win." She reaches into the bathtub and scoops a handful of water over on Jordan.
During that water fight, everything stopped, the worries, the consistent running of mind, the "what if's" all of it stopped. Marley was happy, her kids laughing, having a good time, a very wet time.
Jordan runs over and hugs a wet Marley and squeezes her as hard as he can. "Mom, I missed this."
Friday, September 8, 2017
15
That night the world stopped and to Marley, it felt like it was never going to start again. There was no end in sight for that night. Marley wanted to believe that it all was a dream. But it wasn't. It wasn't a dream. Brian was in the hospital and no one would tell her what had happened, only that he had been shot.
Marley prayed for strength all night. She prayed that it would all be ok. She prayed that it would all work out for the best. No one wants to see their spouse fighting for their life. No one wants their kids to be asking questions that you don't have answers for. No one wants that situation. So Marley did what she knew how to do, she ran. Shane, Marley's brother-in-law, told her to go and that he would watch her kids. Shane could read Marley like a book, she needed to leave.
After sitting in her SUV, she pulled herself back together. Just enough to encounter what she dreaded for hours. She walked back into the hospital and after puking one more time in bushes outside the front door she zipped up her jacket and walked through the doors. "Really, Marley, can you even imagine how many people have puked in that bush? Probably a good handful." She says to herself. She needed a chuckle. She needed something to take her mind off it all.
She exited the elevator and saw Jordan and Addison with Uncle Shane. Shane didn't look well, he didn't look well at all. "What is it?" Marley asked.
"He's not going to make it." Shane choked back tears.
"No, no, no, no!" Marley weakly said.
"The Doc came looking for you. I didn't know when you were going to be back. They said that they would wait for you."
"Wait for what?!"
"Marley, we've all said our goodbyes. It's your turn."
Marley sat in a chair next to the wall. She threw her face into her hands and began to cry. "What are you doing? Your kids are watching you. Get it together." Marley told herself. She felt a tap on her arm.
"Mommy, why did I have to tell daddy bye-bye? Where is he going? Is he hurt?" Jordan questioned.
"See, Daddy got hurt and it was up to the doctors to help him feel better, but they tried and well, he needs to get better. The doctors did all they can do." Marley wanted to sugar coat it as much as she could but, she wanted to tell Jordan, "Hes dying and he's not coming home." But she didn't.
"Mar, I'll take the kids." Shane said. Now, Marley hated being called Mar, it made her feel "old."
"Ok, I'll let you know when I'm done."
Marley watched as Jordan held Shane's hand and Addison being held by Olivia, Shane's wife, turned and walked down the hallway. She took a deep breath and turned the door to Brian's room.
Marley prayed for strength all night. She prayed that it would all be ok. She prayed that it would all work out for the best. No one wants to see their spouse fighting for their life. No one wants their kids to be asking questions that you don't have answers for. No one wants that situation. So Marley did what she knew how to do, she ran. Shane, Marley's brother-in-law, told her to go and that he would watch her kids. Shane could read Marley like a book, she needed to leave.
After sitting in her SUV, she pulled herself back together. Just enough to encounter what she dreaded for hours. She walked back into the hospital and after puking one more time in bushes outside the front door she zipped up her jacket and walked through the doors. "Really, Marley, can you even imagine how many people have puked in that bush? Probably a good handful." She says to herself. She needed a chuckle. She needed something to take her mind off it all.
She exited the elevator and saw Jordan and Addison with Uncle Shane. Shane didn't look well, he didn't look well at all. "What is it?" Marley asked.
"He's not going to make it." Shane choked back tears.
"No, no, no, no!" Marley weakly said.
"The Doc came looking for you. I didn't know when you were going to be back. They said that they would wait for you."
"Wait for what?!"
"Marley, we've all said our goodbyes. It's your turn."
Marley sat in a chair next to the wall. She threw her face into her hands and began to cry. "What are you doing? Your kids are watching you. Get it together." Marley told herself. She felt a tap on her arm.
"Mommy, why did I have to tell daddy bye-bye? Where is he going? Is he hurt?" Jordan questioned.
"See, Daddy got hurt and it was up to the doctors to help him feel better, but they tried and well, he needs to get better. The doctors did all they can do." Marley wanted to sugar coat it as much as she could but, she wanted to tell Jordan, "Hes dying and he's not coming home." But she didn't.
"Mar, I'll take the kids." Shane said. Now, Marley hated being called Mar, it made her feel "old."
"Ok, I'll let you know when I'm done."
Marley watched as Jordan held Shane's hand and Addison being held by Olivia, Shane's wife, turned and walked down the hallway. She took a deep breath and turned the door to Brian's room.
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